Improve your mental and physical resilience by shifting your inner dialogue.

The one thing that COVID taught us is that sometimes we cannot control how things play out. Before COVID, we had illusions about having control over the little things. We could travel or hang out wherever and with whomever we wanted.

But no matter what is presented to us, we have control over one thing—our relationship with ourselves.

We all have a relationship with ourselves (verbal or non-verbal). If the quality of our self-talk is positive, our personal energy is aligned (flowing in the same direction) and available to handle whatever life hands us. Self-esteem is a byproduct of how we treat ourselves. When our personal energy is aligned, we feel good about ourselves. We have agency; that is, we can make things happen that we want, or prevent and avoid things we don’t want. We believe we matter, and that other people matter.

In the world of fitness, whether you participate in competitive sports or workout routines, self-talk is crucial. Negative talk can lead to injury and motivational issues. How we think about our bodies, our performance, and how we treat ourselves creates sensations in our bodies.

It is the quality of those sensations that drives our behaviour.

When the quality of self-talk is forgiving, compassionate, empathic, and full of positive judgment, we like, love, and care for ourselves. We feel worthy and deserving of good things and experiences. When we reassure, calm, rest, support, compliment, coach, and believe in ourselves, we do well. We give and receive more readily from others. There is balance—we work hard and can fully relax. Life becomes fun, exciting, and full of wonderful possibilities.

When self-talk is critical, abusive, dismissive, minimizing, humiliating, and full of negative judgment, we hold ourselves back, suffer, and deny ourselves. Our self-esteem is low. We believe we do not matter and have no worth. We allow ourselves to be treated badly by others. If we cannot hold our own with others, we have no agency; that is, we don’t believe we are capable of doing or achieving anything except messing things up. We tend to be passive because we think we don’t matter. Other people matter. We are like a bull with a ring through its nose—led anywhere. If the quality of our self-talk is negative, our personal energy is opposed. We have energy, but it is busy battling ourselves, making it difficult to handle adversity.

The quality of our self-relationship is something we can control and change.

You may find yourself unmotivated to exercise. Maybe you just came off surgery or an illness. Maybe you thought you would reach a goal, but fell short. In these situations, self-talk is really important.

Exercising your mind is just as important as exercising your body. In fact, it can improve your exercise experience. Notice the quality of your self-talk and bodily sensations when you are engaging in sports or exercise. If your self-talk is healthy, pat yourself on the back. If your self-talk is unhealthy, a shift is in order.

HABIT #1 – STRETCH YOUR COMFORT ZONE WITH POSITIVE SELF-TALK

When it comes to how we treat ourselves, we tend to stay in our comfort zones. Comfort zones do not remain the same; they tend to get smaller and smaller without our awareness. We can become prisoners of our own comfort zones.

Research shows that we can handle a seven percent stretch in our comfort zone. It’s not much, but it’s just enough to keep our comfort zones growing, open, and free.

When you find yourself in negative self-talk, interrupt it and shift to an action (like stomping your feet, clapping your hands, or something subtle like touching your nose). The goal is to catch yourself, interrupt the negative self-talk, and shift it to something believable.
Shift what you say to what you can believe. Don’t tell yourself you’re wonderful when you believe you’re not. Instead, say something like, “I messed up, but I caught it and I’m fixing it.”

For example: Maybe you didn’t meet your exercise goals. You might feel that you are not living up to your full potential and tell yourself, “Come on, don’t be a wimp!” However, maybe your body is trying to tell you something, or you are trying to keep up with someone else. This attitude can lead to injury or motivational slumps. When you catch yourself, try something like, “I wasn’t able to exercise as long as I wanted to, but the good thing is I made it to the gym today.”

HABIT #2 – YOU DON’T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND OR QUESTION THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

Overthinking can be unhealthy. It’s part of the negative habit—a waste of your time and energy. What is important is that you become aware that you are repeating an old habit and interrupt it.

When I was young, I had an unhealthy habit of scaring myself with morbid thoughts all the time. I spent too much time analyzing my thoughts. As an adult, I carried on with this habit, until I learned that I could train my brain to send these thoughts away without having to analyze them. I would tell myself, “Stop!” Then, I would imagine putting those negative thoughts into a bubble and sending them off to the universe. I reassured myself that I was okay. It’s about letting go of the past. When you do this, you make room for positive sensations and experiences.

When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, try putting those thoughts in a bubble and sending them off to the universe, or create an image that works for you, like a cloud. This process may sound silly to some, but awareness is key to change. The important thing is to interrupt the old habit. If we avoid shifting, we won’t develop a new quality of self-talk and will relapse into the old habit.

You may not be able to stop negative thoughts from starting, but once they do, you have a choice about letting them affect you or stopping them in their tracks. This is what I call a choice point—a moment in time when you can choose a behaviour that moves you toward your values or one that moves you away from them.

When you mindfully do what you automatically do, your brain has to work a little differently. This shakes things up just enough to create a new way of thinking, or you can create a new healthy habit, like singing happy songs or being creative. What works for others may not work for you, so be true to yourself. Experiment until you find what works for you. That is, create new, healthy sensations in your body.

That’s how you change habits, thinking, experiences, quality of sensations, and ultimately your quality of life. It doesn’t cost a cent to make this kind of change in your head. You are in control of the process. Have fun with “exercising your mind!”