I recently came across this amazing street artist named Deven Roriguez on Instagram, who with his camera crew did an experiment on perspective. This is how it went. Two individuals were randomly selected by Devons camera crew for him to draw. I’m going to call them Mary and Barbara just for the sake of clarity. Both Mary and Barbara were introduced to each other, but Devon would not meet them face to face until the experiment was completed. The first individual, Mary, sat back-to-back with Devon as he asked her to describe herself as he drew her portrait. After he completed Mary’s portrait, he asked her to return to his team, and the process was repeated with the second subject, Barbara. When Barbara returned to the team, the team then had Mary return to sit back-to-back with Devon but this time he asked her to describe Barbara. The process repeated itself with Barbara describing Mary. After Devon completed all four portraits he returned to the crew and met Mary and Barbara and showed them what he had captured in their portraits. This is where it got really interesting!
In the first set of portraits where the women described themselves to Devon, they seemed to be more flaw focused revealing someone who seemed tired, angry, sad and disappointed with their own reflection. The second set of portraits where they had an opportunity to described each other the result was truer to what each individual looked like. In each case both Mary and Barbara were shocked and emotionally taken back by the harsh image of the first set of portraits where they described themselves to Devon. Ultimately, the reflection of ourselves in the mirror is not necessarily what the rest of the world sees.
I think at some point in life each of us has had a “dysmorphic” or rather a “negative image of ourselves” whereby we have seen ourselves differently than others have. I know that I have! There have been times I have been oddly unaware of my appearance when I’ve been paid a compliment, and this has happened on more than one occasion, and my first reaction was “they couldn’t possibly be talking about me” while looking over my shoulder for someone that more suitably fit the description of their compliment.
When I was in my teens and early twenty’s I probably would have changed a bunch of things about myself if only I had a magic wand, genie in a bottle or was somehow related to Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. My life was uninhibited until I hit puberty and then all hell broke loose. My body started to change, and I wasn’t sure I liked where it was going or not going for that matter! By the time I hit High School, at 13 years old, I was this gangly, 175cm tall blonde with giraffe legs, spider monkey arms, feet the size of a Sasquatch, AA cup size, the not growing part, with a pimpled face and crooked teeth. This is how I saw myself most days if I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror! Fast forward to my twenties, my teeth had been straightened, thanks to braces, my acne had pretty much disappeared, thanks to hormones, but the legs and arms stayed the same although shapelier due to my discovery of exercise and weightlifting, but sadly, the AA cup size never caught up and my feet, well I still might be related to a Sasquatch!
As time passed my sharp edges of judgement towards myself became softer as I cultivated and practiced more self-acceptance through less negative self-talk, more self-compassion, forgiveness and kindness. All of which took time, effort, the occasionally pity-party and a little bit of humor.
Today I see myself through the eyes of someone with a stronger sense of self. My refection is simply “Me” accepting compliments and embracing them.
Since February is the month of Valentines Day, do something for the most important Valentine, YOU. Find time for self-love, pamper yourself or plan a fun adventure. Create some time for reflection and growth, connect with friends and family and treat yourself with a whole lot of kindness.
Much Love!
