I was speaking at an event in 2010 when I overheard two women talking about a retreat one of them had just attended. Curious, I asked, “Where was that retreat, you’re talking about?” She didn’t answer with words. Instead, she scribbled “Dhamma.org” on a scrap of paper and handed it to me.
I’ve thought about that moment many times, especially after completing the Vipassana 10-day silent retreat in Egbert, Ontario. For something that turned out to be life-changing, her gesture was shockingly casual. No explanation. No warning. She barely looked at me.
And honestly, had she warned me, would I have gone? Probably not. Knowing how hard those 10 days would be, I might have backed out. So, in a way, I’m grateful for that silent slip of paper that sent me on the adventure of my life.
When I arrived on the first day, I was struck by how beautiful the grounds were. Forest trails wound through peaceful trees surrounding the Ontario Vipassana Centre (OVC). I was assigned a shared room, where I met Melania. She would become one of my closest friends, a connection that’s lasted for years, as we’ve travelled together and supported each other in meditation and in life.
When people hear I did a 10-day silent retreat, they usually assume staying silent was the hard part. Actually, the silence was the easiest part. No small talk. No pressure to engage. It felt like a relief not to speak or comment on anything. The hard part was what happened inside my head.
What I didn’t realize is that when you quiet your mind, your soul starts to speak. And mine wasn’t whispering, it was screaming. Memories surfaced that I hadn’t thought about in years. Every person, place, and thing that had ever hurt me came back. All the emotions I’d buried for decades rose up. By day three, I’d had enough. It was so emotionally painful I tried to leave. I scheduled a five-minute appointment to tell a teacher I needed to go home, I just couldn’t do it.
She listened quietly as I explained why I had to leave. Then she asked, “Why did you come here?” I told her I’d just felt the need to get away. Gently, she suggested maybe I should stay and work through that very feeling, the urge to run. So, I stayed.
By day eight, things shifted. Part of it was simple, I could see the finish line. But something deeper happened too. My mind shut off. Completely. For the first time in my life, I felt… whole. That’s the only way to describe it. I felt beautiful. Not in an external way, but as a deep inner knowing. I felt smart, really smart. I was stunned. I’d spent most of my life believing the opposite.
But these weren’t thoughts. It felt like truth.
When your thoughts finally quiet down, you’re free from negativity, not just about yourself, but about everyone. I looked around the meditation hall and saw the most loving, beautiful people I’d ever witnessed. I realized something profound: how I saw the world had always been a direct reflection of how I saw myself. Once I stopped judging me, I stopped judging everyone else too.
One of my first thoughts after this experience was, “Everyone needs to feel this.” But immediately after came another thought: “I don’t know anyone who’d take 10 days out of their life to do this.”
Since then, I’ve dedicated years to teaching meditation, helping others reach their own direct experience, many of them have.
I’ve returned to the OVC for two more 10-day courses and served as a volunteer on three others, helping new students through their own journeys.
That first retreat changed my life completely. If there’s one thing I believe now, it’s that every human being deserves to experience their true nature. To know, without question, that you are love, and that’s all there really is.
