“Old Age Is No Joke but It Can Feel Like One” – Calvin Tomkins
Because, if you haven’t figured it out yet you are getting older. You are and don’t be fooled. No matter what you eat, wear, cosmetically alter to stop it, you are aging.
I felt old when I was five. I write this on the Anniversary of my Father’s death. When he lay dying, he said to me, “Watch Your Life. What does that mean? I wondered about it for years.
When I was young, I was told I was an old soul. I have now become all the ages as I near 68. You will be too. I’m watching my life to make sense of it or, I am writing about watching my life so that I can tell you a little something I’ve learned so far.
You will find as I have, that with time that you will lose people closest to you. Then you will lose the closest there can be, your Parents. If you had good ones, you will feel the loss in a tremendous way. If they weren’t good, you will also feel the loss. Loss is loss. You will become an orphan and at last, an Adult.
If you have siblings, they might vanish and there will be more grief and then there are friends that will pass and you will not be on Facebook for some time because the reminder will be too difficult to grasp and you will tire of sending inadequate sympathy.
You might have children experiencing stuff, health and otherwise and then all the people left around you, will have health issues and you too will have sore hips and wonder how you can help them when you have trouble helping yourself. You will feel the need to call out to Jesus or the one God we perceive, who we hope can intervene.
At one point, you might have to have a parent stay with you. It is a very lovely, Utopian thought until they finally move in. Prepare for drama and imperfection. Prepare for exhaustion— because you will be dealing with more than you reckoned for in your ideal dream life as a Martyr, especially if you have children also living in the household. Remember that women have always done this for thousands of years. This is nothing new. There will be days of laughter and days of disaster and hatred and days of extraordinary love and if a parent is dying, sadness, anger and unbalance. Sometimes it’s you who are angry, but you are going to have hide it. Your partner will understand sometimes, and sometimes they will not and you will have to take a hot bath alone at night and cry.
When it is all said and done, you will take a hot bath late at night and cry for about a year.
Time will pass and you will be find that you are your parent’s legacy. You never stop being the support system for others dealing with tremendous loss. You will find your sense of humour again, and joy. Aging brings confusion but also the realization that what you thought made you happy was a lie. It’s all about love.
This is the everlasting cycle for us. Nothing is perfect. But it is all okay. This is coming from a very private person who never found herself telling people things like this when she worked in Television, Radio or Print. But then, she was young and only worried about what her butt looked like.
Lastly, cultivate a friend no matter how smart you think you are.
At this juncture in life, love and change beckons me into the unknown. Wish me well.
Love,
Ziggy
