Have you ever listened to a podcast or interview where the topic pulls you in so completely that it feels like the speakers are talking directly to you? That was my experience listening to Mel Robbins interview Dr. Ellen Langer about mindfulness and mind-body unity. Something in that conversation made me feel seen. It made me feel less alone in how I’ve always viewed the world and my place in it.
The episode begins with a simple but powerful truth. Most of us move through our days on autopilot. We follow routines because everyone else follows them. We rely on habits, expectations, and assumptions. We rarely stop to ask why. Dr. Langer calls this mindlessness.
What we should be striving for, she says, is to be mindful, which is not the same as practicing mindfulness. Her version of mindfulness is about actively noticing what is in front of us, how we feel, how we think, and what is unfolding in the moment.
Hearing that distinction felt like a lightbulb turning on. Suddenly everything I’ve been trying to work on in my own life made sense. My efforts to stay positive, to quiet negative thoughts, to resist spiraling, all fit into this idea that being present is not a personality trait but a practice. A skill. A decision to step out of autopilot.
There was another moment in the conversation that felt like vindication. Dr. Langer said that when we are mindless, we simply assume we know what we are doing. We move further away from understanding why we do anything at all. And even more importantly, we stop questioning who decided these rules in the first place. I have asked those questions my entire life, it’s partly why I named my podcast, Just Out of Curiosity. Why do we do things this way? Who decided this was the norm? Why are we all following along without thinking?
In many ways recently, the pandemic forced us to confront these questions. They revealed what actually matters and pushed many of us to examine whether what we are told will make us happy aligns with what truly does. It reminded me that I am allowed to choose. I do not need to accept a life dictated by invisible expectations and unspoken rules.
Dr. Langer said something in the interview that I want to carry with me and remind me of how I parent and explain things to my daughter:
“Become your 3 year old self and ask, ‘Who says so?’ and ‘Who decided this?’ Everything was once a decision. Somebody said it should be like this. The more different you are from that person, the more important it is not to fall in line. And accept that everything is uncertain.”
This, to me, is what reflection is for. Not to critique myself, but to wake up to my own life again. In other ways, I feel like my daughter is going to become my mentor as she starts to question things. I’m going to start trying to enjoy all those “but why?” questions we get asked by those little ones.
Part of that awakening is understanding mind-body unity. According to Dr. Langer, what we think becomes reflected in how our bodies respond, and how our bodies feel shapes how we interpret the world. When we shift our perspective or question our assumptions, our very physiology shifts with us. Instead of treating the mind and body as two separate parts, mind-body unity invites us to see ourselves as one connected whole. A change in one area creates an immediate change in the other. I invite you to look into some of this research as the results of some of the studies are really outstanding and eye-opening.
As the year winds down, I’m thinking that instead of resolutions for the new year I will shift to reflecting and resetting. I want to take what I’ve learned this year and focus on who I want to genuinely be and how to stay more mindful going forward.
If mind and body move together, then healing my anxiety, rebuilding my confidence, and softening old trauma cannot be about fixing myself. It has to be about showing up fully as who I already am, compassionately and unapologetically me.
So here is my promise for 2026; laugh more, love more, get more curious when I feel those negative thoughts start to occur, and to remind myself “who says so?” when I feel stuck. And find a way to move away from procrastination (one of my bigger hurdles!)
