I came across this powerful quote the other day while reading Brené Brown’s book, Braving the Wilderness: “Most of us were not taught how to recognize pain, name it, and be with it. Our families and culture believed that the vulnerability that it takes to acknowledge pain was weakness, so we were taught anger, rage, and denial instead. But what we know now is that when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotions, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain.”
These words have really been sitting with me, and I find myself coming back again and again to read them. Finding Yoga and deepening my practice, I believe was the catalyst for me to move into my emotional body. For years, I was told that I was too emotional, that I needed to learn to let things go, but when I ever tried to do this, I wasn’t ever actually letting go, but rather just hiding my feelings away. Denying the pain only caused it to fester. It held my heart back in protection and fear, and created false beliefs that I didn’t deserve happiness or love, or that I didn’t want it anyway.
When I first stepped on my Yoga mat just for me, things started to shift. What I mean by that is, all the other times I came to my mat it was to follow along with the poses. When I began to teach Yoga, it was to learn how to deconstruct and teach the poses, and then to use the poses in service to my students. But, when I finally began my own personal practice outside of all this, I realized what I craved most was quietness. Slowing down and becoming very still with just my breath. Following my intuition through only a few poses and staying in them for a long time.
One of the first times I practiced in this way, I was met with a flood of tears. It was as if all the ache and yearning of my spirit came to the surface and then finally let go. I discovered the importance of my own personal practice. I understood why my teachers pressed upon it, why I needed it – why we all need it.
Coming back to Brené’s quote above, until we own our emotions, they will continue to own us. Rather than allowing our emotions to be the feedback or indicators that they are, we let them have control. It’s time to step into the light. While we can choose to linger in any emotion of our choice (and sometimes we need to), ultimately there is a flow. Within Yoga philosophy we are taught that in everything there is both light and darkness. The sun rises, the sun sets. Inside our Yoga practice we can choose poses that draw comfort (child’s pose), poses that open our hearts (camel pose) or poses that shift energy such as inversions (legs up the wall). We can choose to focus on our breath, while practicing quieting our mind and letting go of the stories. We can practice with others, or on our own the most important thing is that we simply practice. That we step on to our mat and meet ourselves where we are.
To be able to shift in this way is a gift. To see our practice in this way is powerful. One thing I continue to say; think of your Yoga practice as the AND not the OR. Certainly, Yoga offers so much in terms of physical strength and mobility, but if you are open to it, it can be so much more.
