It’s not about being perfect. Self-confidence is about trusting in who we are right now. We need to stop doubting ourselves.

Let’s face it, we hear the term “self-confidence” a lot these days. Social media is full of uplifting quotes telling us how important it is; so why are we still struggling? I think a big part of the problem is that we aren’t sure what it is. The dictionary definition of self-confidence is: Feeling of trust in one’s abilities and qualities.

That’s it.

It’s not about being perfect and yet, for some reason, we tend to put conditions on our self-esteem. We feel like we have to have achieve all of our goals before we can be proud of ourselves and that’s just not true. Self-confidence is about trusting in who we are right now. Who are we? We’re real, flawed, fabulous women, who are stronger and smarter than we even realize. Being ourselves should be the easiest thing we do, since we were literally born into the position. So, how do we stop doubting ourselves?

Don’t put all of your egos in one basket:

I speak to so many women who put pressure on themselves to be the absolute best in one area of their lives. For some women, it’s about physical fitness and appearance. The desire to be healthy evolves into the need to have the flattest stomach or cleanest diet. For others it’s related to their careers and the pressure to achieve a certain level of success within a certain time frame; then, there’s the all too familiar parenting pressure, and the anxiety that can come from the fear of not giving our kids picture perfect childhoods. 

Setting goals is great, but when we limit our sources of self-esteem, we make it easy for any perceived imperfection to feel like failure. A missed workout, a delayed promotion, a child who is struggling in school, are all normal situations in life that can damage our self-esteem if we let them.

Some of us go for the trifecta in perfectionism by trying to be the best in all/ITC areas of our lives, but since we can’t be all things to all people, we’re bound to feel like we’re disappointing someone and, as a result, our self-esteem takes a hit.  This. Needs. To. Stop. 

You can read a bunch of “how to boost your self-confidence” articles that will tell you to get a new haircut or buy a new pair of a shoes, which are all good suggestions, but I’m going to take it further and remind you that the first part of self-confidence is the self/ITC. True self-confidence comes when we stop saying, “I’ll love myself when…” and start saying, “I love myself now.”

Ask yourself what truly brings you joy? What can you do daily or weekly that simply makes you happy? Anyone who knows me, knows that I start each day by dancing to cheesy music in my basement. Shaking my booty to 80’s tunes makes me feel free and confident, and those feelings tend to stick with me for most of the day. 

Toss aside any pressure you feel to be anyone but the spectacular person you are and wait for the side effects to kick in. Be prepared to walk taller, and feel stronger. Get ready to have more energy and a strengthened immune system. Don’t be surprised by how your positive energy will influence and rub off on others and watch some of your worry and fear be replaced by excitement and motivation. 

We can’t be all things to all people, but we need to be cheerleaders for ourselves.

Take a deep breath, hold your head high and face the world. You got this!

More Inspiration: Check out this cool article on turning self-hate into self-love.

Author: Marci Warhaft is a regular contributor tp Optimyz Magazine and is a body image advocate, speaker and author of “The Body Image Survival Guide for Parents: Helping Toddlers, Tweens and Teens Thrive.” After battling her own severe body image issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction workshops to tear down the myths related to beauty and fitness and empower people of all ages to appreciate who they are, instead of judge who they think they’re not. https://www.fitvsfiction.com

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